I’ve been in a locked box for 4+ years. All I’ve ever wanted was to get out. I’ve scratched my fingers to the bone trying get a breath of fresh air rather than the rancid funk of Lyme Disease and its Co-infections.
So what happens when you’re stuck in a locked box for so long?
It becomes all you know.
You still try to get out, but you never 100% believe you actually will.
So it becomes just a dream, something to keep your mind positive.
“One day I’ll be better… One day.”
So I guess that “one day” has come.
Last I posted, I had just quit medicine, had started eating extremely healthy, and spent every day coiling, coiling, coiling.
I’m still doing all the these things and have even been well enough to want to get my heart rate up. Slow, easy, restorative yoga is my favorite. It’s enough to get my body moving and loose, and since my last post I have even done a yoga class where we were standing up and moving the whole time! Never did I EVER think that I would be able to do anything like that! I’ve spent multiple days out of the house running errands all day long; taken road trips on the weekends to visit friends; had the urge to take a shower, fix my hair and put makeup on for no reason other than “just because”; and have even begun to make future plans to go back to school.
I’m crying while typing this.
I can’t even begin to tell you guys how the past few weeks have changed my outlook on life.
I’m a VERY spiritual person and I whole heartedly believe that everything happens for a reason, good or bad. It makes us grow, become stronger mentally and physically, and prepares us for what God has in store for our future. He is not punishing us, He is preparing us. We must trust His plan, not our pain.
Through this journey I have learned so much about myself and the world around me, and I hope that through my voice, whether in person or over the internet, I am able to make a difference in the Lyme and chronic illness community. All chronic illnesses are related and all are able to be helped by Ampcoil and Medical Medium.
Now that my box has been cracked open, I have slowly lifted my head, adjusted my eyes to the light, and prepared myself to take my first steps. I still feel that I am connected to a chain that can only go so far, but this chain length is so much more than I have had for years, and I am grateful for it.
Although I’m doing well, my biggest fear is waking up and finding that I’ve been thrown back in the box, the top slammed shut and pad locked. But I can’t live in fear. All I can do is keep taking care of myself and doing what I know helps, coiling, eating right, and moving.
The other day I was on the phone with my boyfriend, Dan, and he asked me, “How has your day been?” I kind of stuttered before answering because I had never been able to answer that question so positively. “I’m doing really well. I’ve had a really good day.” My voice started to crack and Dan knew I was crying when he said, “What’s going on, babe? Talk to me…”
What I told him is exactly what I’ve written today. I’m just in a really good spot right now and I pray everyday that I continue to stay here.
So I guess a dream I never thought would come true, has.
I’m doing well.
I’m doing really well.
And one day, you will be too.
“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.”